What the Hell Did I Just Read: A Novel of Cosmic Horror John Dies at the End Book 3

Though, to be fair, "They" are probably right about this one. It's the story "They" don't want you to read. That is precisely the reaction "They" are hoping for. John dies at the end's "smart take on fear manages to tap into readers' existential dread on one page, then have them laughing the next" Publishers Weekly and This Book is Full of Spiders was "unlike any other book of the genre" Washington Post.

Now, new york times bestselling author david Wong is back with What the Hell Did I Just Read, the third installment of this black-humored thriller series. Yes, too, it works with e-books, I don't have time to explain how. While investigating a fairly straightforward case of a shape-shifting interdimensional child predator, Dave, John and Amy realized there might actually be something weird going on.

Your first impulse will be to think that a story this gruesome -- and, to be frank, stupid -- cannot possibly be true. To quote the bible, "learning the truth can be like loosening a necktie, only to realize it was the only thing keeping your head attached. No, don't put the book back on the shelf -- it is now your duty to purchase it to prevent others from reading it.

Together, lies, they navigate a diabolically convoluted maze of illusions, and their own incompetence in an attempt to uncover a terrible truth they -- like you -- would be better off not knowing.

This Book Is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It John Dies at the End 2

Even if i did sort of cause it. So what happens when your family, friends and neighbors get mind-controlling skull spiders? We're all about to find out. You can't see it, because it decides what you see. This is not a metaphor. Just stay calm, and remember that telling you about the spider situation is not the same as having caused it.

Dismissing things as ridiculous fear-mongering is, the first symptom of parasitic spider infection -- the creature secretes a chemical into the brain to stimulate skepticism, in fact, in order to prevent you from seeking a cure. You can't feel the spider, because it controls your nerve endings. And it will breed.

Either way, i won't hold it against you if you're upset. You won't even feel it when it breeds. From the writer of the cult sensation John Dies at the End comes another terrifying and hilarious tale of almost Armageddon at the hands of two hopeless heroes. Warning:you may have a huge, invisible spider living in your skull.

I know that's just the spider talking. You will dismiss this as ridiculous fear-mongering. That's just as well, since the "cure" involves learning what a chainsaw tastes like.

John Dies at the End

Engaging, comic, and terrifying. Joe garden, features editor, the Onion"Wong is like a mash-up of Douglass Adams and Stephen King. You should not have touched this flyer with your bare hands. This is one of the most entertaining and addictive novels I've ever read. Jacob kier, publisher, permuted press STOP.

My best friend is John. You still do. But it's too late. You're in the game. They're watching you. It's too late. You touched the book. You need to read this book, to the end. You may not want to know about the things you'll read on these pages, about the sauce, about Korrok, about the invasion, and the future. You might want to change yours.

You're under the eye. No, don't put it down. Even the part with the bratwurst. David wong has updated the Lovecraft tradition and infused it with humor that rather than lessening the horror, increases it dramatically. My name is David Wong.

Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits: A Novel

Mysterious, smooth-talking power players who lurk behind the scenes. This is the world in which zoey ashe finds herself, navigating a futuristic city in which one can find elements of the fantastic, nightmarish and ridiculous on any street corner. At least not any that you'd want to follow. Will zoey figure it all out in time? Or maybe the better question is, will you? After all, the future is coming sooner than you think.

A winner of the 2016 Alex AwardsNightmarish villains with superhuman enhancements. And her very smelly cat. Together, they will decide the future of mankind. Get ready for a world in which anyone can have the powers of a god or the fame of a pop star, in which human achievement soars to new heights while its depravity plunges to the blackest depths.

A world in which at least one cat smells like a seafood shop's dumpster on a hot summer day. A young woman from the trailer park. Her only trusted advisor is the aforementioned cat, but even in the future, cats cannot give advice. An all-seeing social network that tracks your every move.

Skullcrack City

Doyle, so he decided to bring down the whole corrupt system from the inside. Skullcrack city is original, utterly insane, and a shitload of fun. David wong, author of john dies at the EndYou weren't always an agent of the apocalypse. Joined by his pet turtle deckard, and dara, a beautiful missionary with a murderous past, Doyle must find a way to save humankind and fight the terrible truth at the heart of.

. You used to be a banker. Skullcrack city. Now doyle's doing his best to survive against a nightmare cabal of crooked conglomerates, experimental surgeons, DNA-doped mutants, drug-addled freak show celebs, depraved doomsday cults, and the ultra-bad mojo of a full-blown Hexadrine habit. A nightmarish yet hilarious journey that begins in the ugly world of toxic mortgages and progresses to the slightly uglier world of brain-eating monsters lurking in dark alleys.

You're in for an entirely unpredictable ride, the tale spinning ludicrously out of control as the hero uncovers layer after grotesque layer of a vast macabre conspiracy. Who knew that too much coffee and a few bad decisions would lead to the end of the world? Life as a corporate drone was killing S.

P. But after discovering something monstrous in the bank's files, he was framed for murder and trapped inside a conspiracy beyond reason.

The Unnoticeables: A Novel The Vicious Circuit Book 1

There are demons. She came to hollywood in 2013 to be a stunt woman, her best friend has just gone missing, but last night a former teen heartthrob tried to eat her, and there's an angel outside her apartment. Whatever she plans on doing with her life, it should probably happen in the few remaining minutes she has left.

There are angels. But they do watch over us. The survival of the human race is in their hands. We are, all of us, well and truly screwed. At the publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software DRM applied. From robert Brockway, Sr. Carey doesn't much like that idea. He doesn't care about the rumors of tar-monsters in the sewers or unkillable psychopaths invading the punk scene—all he wants is to drink cheap beer and dispense ass-kickings.

Editor and Columnist of Cracked. Com comes the Unnoticeables, a funny and frightening urban fantasy. There are angels, and they are not beneficent or loving. It's up to carey and Kaitlyn to stop them. They are the same thing.

The Empty Ones: A Novel The Vicious Circuit Book 2

It's terrifying and hilarious, visceral and insane, chaotic and beautiful. The vicious circuit trilogy the unnoticeablesthe Empty OnesKill All Angels At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software DRM applied. Meanwhile, continues her fight into the desert of Mexico and the Southwest US, who was very nearly beat when last we saw her, Kaitlyn, seeking the mysterious gear cult.

Once there, focus their attention here, in their minds, and get as much of humanity as possible "solved"--which, she discovers what the gear cult is really up to: trying to 'pin' the angels to Earth, is akin to being saved--and in the process discovers something incredible about herself. With a snarled lip, but like any good punk band, when you don't think they can get any louder, The Empty Ones incorporates everything that made The Unnoticeables incredible, they somehow turn it up a notch.

. Following on the heels of robert brockway's comedic horror novel The Unnoticeables, The Empty Ones reveals the next chapter in the lives of a few misfits attempting to fight back against the mysterious Unnoticeables. The empty ones follows carey and randall to London where they go to rescue Gus and fight more of these mysterious angel-like creatures, and stumble on a powerful and unexpected ally.


Kill All Angels: The Vicious Circuit, Book Three

After the events of the first two books of the Vicious Circuit series, Carey and Randall reached LA during the early '80s punk scene, which was heavily mixed up with Chinatown. The downside being that they have to find a new one, first--and LA is the only place they know where to do that. A young chinese girl with silver hair is the empty one that seems to run things there, and her ex-lover, an Empty One named Zang, has apparently turned against them and may or may not be on Carey's side.

In modern times, kaitlyn and company have also returned to LA because her powers have been growing and she has been having visions that may be telling her how to kill all of the angels. Steeped in the la punk scene in the '80s, chinatown, the ocean and gargantuan things that swim in it, sunken suburbs, Kill All Angels is everything that fans of Robert Brockway's irreverent humor have been looking for to end the series with a bang.

The vicious circuit trilogythe unnoticeablesthe Empty OnesKill All Angels At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software DRM applied. The concluding volume in the humorous punk rock adventure that began with The Unnoticeables and The Empty Ones.

Rx: A Tale of Electronegativity

Red is a chemical beta tester. A crime punishable by death. His only hope for salvation lies in a mysterious contact with all the answers and seemingly infinite resources. Red’s talent for mixing new and interesting narcotic concoctions is usually good for a quick buck and a cheap laugh, but this time something's gone wrong, and after huffing a new prototype strain of Presence from Hockner Industries, he's awoken to find himself in violation of a Non-Disclosure Agreement.

But to get to him, where nobody is what they seem to be, phallus-obsessed ghetto king, and seek protection from the murderous grey boatmen, escape the clutches of a mad, Red must first navigate the claustrophobic theater of the 'Wells, all while his frightening and increasingly real hallucinations tear him apart from the inside out.

. And he better be quick about it, faceless recovery agents, the Alpha Gentlemen, before the pair of sinister, catch up to him…and burn him alive. With the help of qc, a walking nanotech factory, an upper-class slacker literally addicted to the past, and Byron, Red must discover what the strange experimental drug is doing to his mind.

In fact, the city's entire economy is based on Presence -- a chemical hallucinogen that lets the user peek into history. It's a nice way of saying 'professional drug addict. But that’s not a problem: Everybody in the Four Posts is nursing an addiction to something.

Welcome to Night Vale: A Novel

It is king city that holds the key to both of their mysteries, and their futures. If they can ever find it. From the creators of the wildly popular welcome to Night Vale podcast comes an imaginative mystery of appearances and disappearances that is also a poignant look at the ways in which we all struggle to find ourselves.

. No matter where we live. Hypnotic and darkly funny. And lately diane's started to see her son's father everywhere she goes, looking the same as the day he left years earlier, when they were both teenagers. It is here that the lives of two women, with two mysteries, will converge. Nineteen-year-old night vale pawn shop owner Jackie Fierro is given a paper marked "KING CITY" by a mysterious man in a tan jacket holding a deer skin suitcase.

Josh, looking different every time diane sees him, leading to a disaster Diane can see coming, shows a stronger and stronger interest in his estranged father, even as she is helpless to prevent it. Diane's search to reconnect with her son and Jackie's search for her former routine life collide as they find themselves coming back to two words: "KING CITY".

Belongs to a particular strain of american gothic that encompasses The Twilight Zone, Stephen King and Twin Peaks, with a bit of Tremors thrown in. The guardianlocated in a nameless desert somewhere in the great American Southwest, aliens, angels, Night Vale is a small town where ghosts, and government conspiracies are all commonplace parts of everyday life.

Everything about him and his paper unsettles her, especially the fact that she can't seem to get the paper to leave her hand, and that no one who meets this man can remember anything about him.

Carter & Lovecraft: A Novel

As he reluctantly investigates, he discovers that Lovecraft's tales were more than just fiction, and he must accept another unexpected, and far more unwanted inheritance. She's emily lovecraft, the last known descendant of H. P. Strangeness, however, has not finished with him. First he inherits a bookstore in Providence from someone he's never heard of, along with an indignant bookseller who doesn't want a new boss.

From author Jonathan L. Lovecraft, the writer from providence who told tales of the Great Old Ones and the Elder Gods, creatures and entities beyond the understanding of man. Now he's a private investigator trying to live a quiet life. Lovecraft mythos into the twenty-first century, optioned by Warner Bros TV.

Daniel carter used to be a homicide detective, but his last case -- the hunt for a serial killer -- went wrong in strange ways and soured the job for him. Howard comes the start of a thrilling supernatural series that brings the H. P. Then people start dying in impossible ways, and while Carter doesn't want to be involved, but he's beginning to suspect that someone else wants him to be.